lesson 4 part 1 | etiquette

Handshaking

Ritual handshaking dates back to ancient Egypt and Babylon. An open right hand signified you weren’t carrying weapons and you came in peace. Today, a handshake is a gesture of friendship and good faith (as when people seal a deal by shaking hands). In the United States, a handshake, rather than a bow, salaam, wai (Wai is a way for Thai people to greet people. They will clasp their hands like a lotus flower.), or kiss, is the way we greet others. Both men and women shake hands, and either may offer their hand first.

There are four steps to a handshake:

1. Extend your right hand, thumb slightly separated, creating a V between the thumb and the forefinger. (It’s fine to extend your left hand if you have an injury, infirmity, or don’t have a right hand.)

2. Clasp the other person’s hand, palm to palm with the V’s interlocking.
3. Grip firmly—but not too hard!—and shake two or three times. Use about as much pressure as it takes to open a refrigerator door.
4. Release and lower your hand.

Remember, a handshake is an offer of friendship. If your grip is really weak (the “dead fish”) you’ll appear cold and disinterested.
A bone crusher, however, can cause injury—hardly a friendly gesture. Don’t exaggerate the shaking—it should move through a range of about 5 to 6 inches.
Finally, don’t place your free hand on top of the clasped hands or clasp the other person’s wrist, as both of these gestures express dominance.
You can sense when offering your hand wouldn’t be appropriate. Shaking hands will inconvenience a person who has a hand, arm, or shoulder injury, or who is carrying things in both hands.
In some cultures, touching hands is offensive or may be prohibited between men and women.
If this is the case, smile and use an alternative gesture, such as a slight bow of your head. Make sure you greet the person respectfully and with genuine enthusiasm. Convey with words what the handshake would have expressed: “I am so glad to meet you.”
We’re so accustomed to having the offer of a handshake accepted that when it’s not reciprocated, it creates an awkward moment. Why isn’t someone accepting my offer of friendship? Just lower your hand and ignore any awkwardness, even though offering your hand is correct.